The most cliched pasta ever.
{{NSFW}}
The pasta
Hello, you may not know me. My name is Tom Jim. I am a 22 year old computer engineer who likes to fiddle with computers. I used to be an intern at Cartoon Network but I quit after I saw a lost episode called "Spingleblab's Adventure Time Jeff Dead Suicide" it was really scary, so.... I had to quit my job as an intern. When everyone there saw the video, they threw up and killed themselves. I'm the only one left. But that isn't the point of my story... Recently I was looking on E-bay and I found this unscratched disc called "Generic.exe" and it was a perfect disc with zero scratches. My parents promised to buy it for me for my birthday but they never did. I always wanted this game but I was never able to find it. This version was different from the original, however... This was the Super Silver Beta Lost version! I noticed something strange, though.... The seller was named "666 evil Jeff Patrixx" so I was kind of worried to buy it. I just passed it off as a glitch, though. I bought my computer from a bald old man at a yard-sale a while back, so... He said it belonged to a dead kid named Joe. But that's beside the point. I asked the guy on E-bay if I could buy it and he said "No, I'm sorry, you cannot buy it from me. Wanna have some fun?" so I said "Sure. It sucks that I can't buy it from you, though." and he sent me a download link to a file called "Notavirusscamfuncreepydon'topenthisyoudumbarse.rar" and I downloaded it. Feeling slightly uneasy, the file installed but I noticed something was weird. My computer background was just a white background and all of my shortcuts were replaced with a folder called "Patrixx Sex Tape Bloody Evil Carly Rae Jepsen 666 Jeff Tails Sonic" so I opened it and just dismissed the name as a glitch.
It had two files in it, one was an installation file called "Sonic.Tails.Mario.Pokemon.Generic.Expansion.exe" and a JPG file called "Sexyhorsebutt.jpg" I reluctantly clicked on the JPG and it opened except the picture was horrifying... I immediately jumped back at the site. It was a picture of a hyper-realistic dead body with hyper-realistic blood and hyper-realistic gore. The body was hanging from the hyper-realistic ceiling by it's hyper-realistic intestines and there was hyper-realistic blood dripping off of it. You could see the person's hyper-realistic brain too! Then, a hyper-realistic creepy voice came through the hyper-realistic speakers that said "You're next" and then the file closed and my computer background changed to a picture of hyper-realistic Patrixx with hyper-realistic blood and everything!
I was nervous but I decided to continue on and just dismissed it as a glitch. I knew I should turn my hyper-realistic computer off at this point but I'm a generic idiot who refuses to do the obvious thing he should do in a situation like this so I'm gonna open the file again and play the game even though this is suspicious and a lot of creepy stuff is happening but I don't care at all so I'm gonna keep playing and screw logic. :)
I opened the folder again and saw a gallery of photos! It was called "Pingas animal pony crap gore hyper-realistic bloody Jeff" and I also saw a file called "Patrixx Sex Tape For Real No Fake." I opened the gallery and saw a horrifying site. There was a picture of my generic family, all skeletons and dead and stuffs! I threw up on my screen and ignoring all logic, I continued on in the gallery and saw a bunch of bloody pictures of dead people, blood, pingases, Dora's, Entrails and all kinds of horrific stuff.
I immediately closed the gallery after looking at it for 10 mi
nutes. I then clicked on the .AVI file and began to jack off. It started off with Patrixx in a bedroom with a grown-up version of Dora. They did some sexy stuff and I began to beat the meat. I looked at the screen and it suddenly changed! Dora was dead and Patrixx was dancing on her body. He was eating what was left of her! A generic demonic voice came through the speakers and said "YOU'RE NEXT" and I closed the video. I then clicked on the last file in the folder..."Sonic.Tails.Mario.Pokemon.Generic.Expansion.exe" and it then said "Please insert disc Generic.exe you aresehole." but I didn't have the disc!
The game started talking to me! It said "DEWD, HURRY UP OR I'MA KILL YO BISH." but I didn't have the disc! The weird guy that made me download this crap wouldn't sell it to me. I immediately shouted "WHY DON'T I HAVE THE DISC!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!" But then, I looked next to me and saw the disc in it's case! I was amazed and freaked out at the same time.
The game shouted "HURRY UP OR YO BISH IS DED AND U AIN'T GONNA GET NO SEX. LOL" so I inserted the disc into my CD ROM and it insalled instantly! The disc was a blank disc with "Generic.exe" written in a black marker. Right after it installed, the expansion installed onto the file. The expansion was 100 GB!
I let it keep installing because I was too dumb to turn my computer off. After the installation was done, the game
launched without my control! It was a white background with "Generic Game" written at the top in black.
The only options were "Start Game" "Load Game" but that was all there was! OMG! I was scared!!!!
I clicked "Start Game" because like I said earlier, I'm a stupid arsehole so... I just decided to keep going.
The game started me off in a first person view inside of a dark room with nothing in it but brick walls.
There was weird, evil whispering playing through the speakers which I couldn't make out.... I don't have a screenshot because this is all bullshit and my prt scrn button didn't work for no reason at all. As I was in the room, I wanted to close the game but I couldn't! There was no quit option or an X at the top! I'm too stupid to know how to smash a computer with a hammer or just stop playing, so I continued on... In the game, I went through this hyper-realistic doorway into a hyper-realistic room that was covered in hyper-realistic blood! I looked behind me and I saw a hyper-realistic Sonic raping a cat! The Sonic looked at me and said "Hey der, shmexeh...." He began to chase me through the hyper-realistic cooridors of the building in the game. He chased me through this hallway of cells and as I ran down the hallway, Disney characters came out of the cells and chased me too! It's like they knew I had nowhere to go and that I was as dumb as a brick!
I ran down the hallway and ran into a hyper-realistic Patrixx! Patrixx then said "YOU WILL NOW BE TRANSPORTED TO OUR TORTURE JAIL ASYLUM THING!" and I was then teleported into this horrific cell in which I proceeded to wet my pants. I was locked inside of my cell and there was a bunch of scary stuff in there. There was hyper-realistic blood on the walls and the door and the floor and locked windows and on the ceiling and in my bed and in my underwear and hyper-realistic blood was also coming out of my mouth! The only thing I had was my pingas and my haunted laptop.
The haunted dead kid who owned this laptop said "U HAVE MY LAPTOP U DUM BISH I'MMA KILL U." and he then he came through the computer screen and slapped me in the face. What's weird about that you might ask? HE WAS PATRIXX IN DISGUISE!!!
Patrixx then killed me and there was blood everywhere. That's how I'm writing this! Then a skeleton popped out.